How are people doing this psychic communication I have been on the receiving end of so much today? I feel a strong need to know, and to find out how to stop it, if I should want to. Can one simply project one's thoughts like that? Or is it another power which I, currently, do not have? Well, trying the former should be simple enough, at least...
What a strange vision Xandra projected of her name. All those sculptures and paintings of herself. She certainly seems to love herself. Not that that should come as any great surprise.
Though what I projected was also rather surprising, though it seemed right when I did. It seems that my power shapes more than simply my flesh. And also that, while you can take me out of Timashkurabad and its grime, its seems taking them out of me will be somewhat harder.
Llewella says she loves me as if that lets her order me about. As if it gives her some hold over me.
I would be more inclined to give her words some weight if, when we first met and when I arrived in Rebma, she had not treated me as I were ... some unwelcome relative whom she felt obliged to receive and house, but not to like or associate with. I was there in Rebma for a week, 'mother', and we had two conversations. Not really the reception a long-lost daughter might expect from the mother who claims she loves me, now is it?!
But if that is the way of it, I shall cope.
Rune is making a far more favourable impression on me at present than you, 'mother'. He, despite his parentage, seems, so far, someone worthy of loyalty. Unlike yourself.
Loyalty over blood, Llewela. These people - my cousins - have given me reason to be loyal to them. To trust them. Mostly. You have not. Far from it. Had I met another group in Timashkurabad after Alakhan and the others were killed I might well have thrown in my lot with them instead of these cousins to whom Bleys introduced me. Blood does not matter. Not compared to other things.
And 'mother' you should not make threats, even implied ones, unless you are prepared to back them up. As if that was an order anyway. I would not have felt the need to gesture you in, in the first place if you were not being so gods-dammed cryptic and apparently useless in the first place.
And even then you lied. You said you would join the circle with the rest of us, and did not. You said you were waiting for the Rayner-Willhelm conversation to play itself out before doing so, and did not. Do you hold us - me - in such contempt that you do not even feel the need to keep true to what you said seconds before?!
You and Mandor would probably get on well, 'mother', with such equal contempt for me.
I suppose you think I owe you respect, 'mother dear'. Well, as far as I am concerned, respect is earned, and a two-way street. You have done very little to earn my respect, and shown very little respect to me. So do not be disappointed when you do not get much respect from me. Perhaps things will change in the future. Perhaps they will not.
So much for the happy reunion with the long-lost parent I hoped for since I saw her Trump. I should have known better, I suppose. But nonetheless I am finding this much more disheartening then I thought I might...
I did not realise, though, that Llewella had quite so powerful a mind until now, with confirmation from Rune's words on the topic. It is, I suppose, faintly comforting to see that she is good for something, and not just completely useless.
But it seems that the root of the Rayner-Willhelm feud has been revealed. Apparently Bleys killed Julian. And as Rayner is Bleys' son, clearly (so Willhelm seems to think) he must be guilty too. I understand that thinking. But knowing what I do of Rayner I cannot think it is so.
To be honest, I wonder why (or even if) Bleys did it. Perhaps Julian deserved it. Llewella would certainly have me believe that. I do not know. But I know I owe Bleys. Owe him my life. And that does matter. Even if, should I swear loyalty to Rune there will doubtless be problems with this in future.
But if it comes to a choice between Rayner and Willhelm, I know upon which side I will be. But if Willhelm is after Rayner simply because of his parentage, well, that is rather stupid.
I wonder what Willhelm considers 'parlour tricks'? I would not have let him get away with striking me in such a manner, even with Tobias there, and would have supported Rayner had a fight broken out. Fortunately, it did not.
I do feel the need to align myself with someone, however. Things - events - too big for myself to handle alone are going on, and I know far too little about, well, everything. And the way events seem to be unfolding, I think I will be aligning myself with Rune. It could have been you, Llewella, and I could have been your most loyal subordinate. But you are destroying that chance more and more with every minute that passes. With every word you say to me.
I thought ... I had a choice in whom to place my loyalty. It would seem I was wrong. I do not. At least it seems that the only choice is also the better choice out of the two possible...