Well, this is now twice in so many weeks that I have nearly died. And this time, I think, I came considerably closer to it than I did then, by the Abyss. If I had not been shielding myself with that demon, who knows how much more seriously I might have been hurt than I am now? And burns seem worse, to me, than ... normal ... injuries. Perhaps it is simply that they remind me of when I was branded by the Oricarians. But regardless, it hurts. Gods, it hurts. At least now I know that I will heal, quickly, and without scarring. Then ... then I was so very, very frightened. So soft. So helpless. At least that is something I no longer need fear.
Under normal circumstances I should not have stood there and taken Dara's fireblast. But had I not, the fire would have hit Crystal, and probably Xandra, too. And I do not think that they would have survived it as well as I did. If 'as well as' is quite the phrase to use, of course. But had they taken it, they may not have been able to keep the gate open, and that would have boded extremely ill for Simon and Rayner, trapped on the deck of that sinking ship with Dara and her demons, and not well for myself, either, with some of my tentacles through the gate too.
I am not sure that I like risking my life - which is, the Gods know, the most precious thing I have - quite so frequently. But this, I suppose, a consequence of my sudden rise from the streets of Timashkurabad to the palace of Amber. Of moving in these elevated circles. And of course, thinking on it, everyday survival in Timashkurabad involved risking ones life. It is just that that risk was quieter, less blatant, and more familiar, if no less dangerous...
And it is disconcerting, in demon form, to be unable to see on one side because of the burns there. Well, the eye-patches there should heal with the rest of me, as they have in the past.
I think the pain is easier to bear, because I know it will soon be gone. Were that not the case, I would be asking for some of the healing magic they used on Tobias. Now. Does that make me a coward, less tough than I think I am? I am not sure.
So that was Dara. I think she is the most powerful - the strongest - person I have ever stood against. Much more so than Tanisla, who was a challenge to me alone. Dara challenged all of us, together (with the aid of her demons, each of which seemed, perhaps, as powerful as Tanisla was). And she could presumably challenge Gerard too, when he was alone. I do not know how significant that is. I assume that he is, being older, more powerful than each of us, but I have no idea how much more powerful.
I entirely agree with Rayner that Dara needs to die. However, I have strong reservations about the ease with which such a task may be accomplished the next time we meet her. And I have an unpleasant feeling we will meet her again.
But at least we survived, and now know more than we did. Gerard is hopefully alive, and none of us are dead. Dara's mind is more powerful than mine, but less powerful than Crystal's.
Perhaps I should have used my magical negation power 'word' to try and stop Dara's fire spell, but I did not think of it in the midst of combat with the demon. I shall try to remember next time.
It is fortunate indeed for Gerard that we decided to Trump him when we did. A few minutes later, a little more discussion on our part, and we would have been just too late, rather then just in time, as we were...
Dara's minion-demons seemed tougher than the demons I fought by the Abyss, and tougher than my demon form. I hope creatures of that kind are not too common, and if they are, I wonder how we ever managed to beat so many in the battle against their armies. But, regardless, I must now determine how to make my demon form as tough as they are.
I hope that Crystal and Xandra have not been too badly hurt by whatever it was - presumably this Chaos power, the Logrus - that Dara used to close the gate they made. Xandra seems to be conscious. Let us hope Crystal becomes so soon.
I cannot say that the Logrus was something I whose presence I enjoyed being. At all. It projected such a ... stench. Reeked of such ... evil. And presumably that would remain the case were any of the Chaosites who allege to be on our side were to use it.
This worries me. How can we hope to trust anyone who uses - has willingly assayed - a power that seems, to me, to be so foul?
But perhaps that is the point. I wonder what those of Chaos sense in those of us with the Pattern when we use it in their presence? Is the Pattern as foul to them as the Logrus is to us? Is it simply a product of the two powers being opposed? I do not know, but perhaps someone here does. I must ask, when the chance arises.
As long as Rayner does not put my life on the line with greater frequency than anyone else's, however, I see no reason to not to continue to accept him as my - our - leader. He seems competent enough, and his plan worked, even if not as well as we might have hoped.
And it is good to again have comrades, a leader, upon whom it appears that one can rely. Yes, Rayner, as Alakhan did, puts out (and his own) lives on the table as possible payment for what we do. But as our leader, is that not, at heart, what he is there for? With us trusting him - relying on him - not to do so for frivolous purposes? I think so. I wonder if Rayner does too? Let us hope so! Still, as long as we continue to discuss matters before acting upon them, I feel that there should be few problems...
I wonder why Simon has all those tattoos? I cannot really conceive of his ever having gone through a phase frivolous enough to have had them put on for fun, so they must mean something. Perhaps he was a sailor at some time? After all, I have no real idea how old he is; he looks young, but then so do Llewella and the other elders.