I am, I will admit, apprehensive about my own ability to deal with what is coming. I know that I have fought, and killed, before now. But I have never taken part in a war. And I cannot deceive myself - this is a war which is coming, and from the looks of things, a very bad one.
I have avoided them in my travels through shadow, so that I have seen only their fringes. But this one will not, I think, be so easy to get away from.
And it makes me nervous. Perhaps a little frightened, also. Will I be able to cope with it? I certainly hope so.
It would be a terrible shame if the universe fell because of my fearfulness!
I do not think I like Prince Julian of Amber. He is certainly far more arrogant than anyone I have met recently. 'Little toy of a little girl', indeed! Pah!
Not that his arrogance appears entirely unjustified, at least in Forest Arden. I wonder how he comes to possess such vast power over, and in, that place? Has he made a deal with some devil, as Master Tarn says my father speculated?
If this sort of high-handed treatment is what I can expect upon going to Amber again, then I suspect that my stay there may not be a long one...
Well, let us hope that Mage Surgun can do what I wish and modify the 'Flamethrower' spell into a 'Paint Sprayer' spell with all due haste. It should be well within his capabilities as long as he is not distracted, and I hope that my ... talk ... with him will have provided ... sufficient motivation for him to concentrate his mind on this alone.
I found it slightly irritating that Master Tarn questioned his being a Master Mage (fortunately outside his hearing; I am not sure what Mage Surgun would have done had he heard). I, personally, am thankful that we are peaceful and properous enough here to be able to support such ... impractical ... people as Mage Surgun. Not everything is a fight, or a struggle for survival, Master Tarn, nor would I wish it to be. And especially as, out of such impractical people, all kinds of insights may arise.
I do not believe it is so wrong to want things to be peaceful. Pleasant. A place where there is more to life than simply survival. Where people can be happy.
I know that I cannot, short of following the example of my father and attempting to re-write the entire universe, bring such a state into being across all of shadow. But I can, at least, do what I may to nurture it in Ensilarum and what I can to protect it here.
Hmmm. Well at least Master Tarn seems to be aware that that is how he is...
I truly hope that I am not making a mistake by letting Master Tarn come to know so much about Ensilarum and it defences on such a short acquaintance.
He certainly seems trustworthy. But how much is that necessarily worth? Not a great deal. I hope that my intuition does not betray me with regard to him.
Ah well, the Palace should keep me informed of his movements, and my researches have, at least, allowed me to find a way of tracking him. And perhaps I shall be able to expand that knowledge into a way to screen myself from detection and magic in the way that Master Tarn is screened. Or, if it becomes necessary, extract retribution upon him...