CIRCAEA'S DIARY

Entry 23 - The Dashing of My Hopes?

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Cerebaton has been making, it seems, most constructive use of his new enhancements. He has learned how to scan the Godly and Fae axes, for one, as well as learn more of the Dragosians and Ixfenians. He certainly continues to impress.

It seems, unexpectedly, that all of the axes actually possess different forms - different shapes. Amber's part of its axis is a cone, with the point at Amber itself and its base at the Tree of Ygg. With the constant creation of shadow by the Patterns, does this then imply that Ygg constantly recedes from Amber? The Chaos part of the Ordered axis is a sphere with Chaos in the centre and its edge touching the Amber axis at Ygg, though linked to it in a different way to the Amber realm.

The Ixfenian axis again touches the others at Ygg, but again in a different way, and constantly fluctuates in shape as the inhabitants reshape its contents.

However, the realm of the Dragosians does not, it seems, share this characteristic. Their home is somewhere beyond the Courts of Chaos, where there are ripped fragments of shadows that are broken and tattered, not exactly there at all, constantly falling apart into a mixture of shadow and darkness that is not a thing Cerebaton fully understands. However, he does think that they once had a sort of shadows there that, while less defined than those we are used to, were also more energised then they are now so that they could manipulate them with ease. However, it seems that that is not possible now; there is apparently an influx of Darkness from the Abyss and a different form of matter from out of shadow that is causing them problems. One assumes that this is the core of the Fague Blight. But regardless they seem to use the nothingness and separation in their realm as bridges to, for example, the gaps in the Broken Patterns. However, their realm does, it seems, connect to that of the Ixfenians somewhere, and somehow. Which also implies that if they inhabit a part of the Abyss at all, rather than some other Abyss-like realm, it is a part separate from that adjoining the Courts of Chaos, as otherwise one assumes that Chaos would know more of them.


These uses of the Dragosians powers does lead to the unsettling conclusion that they may be able to observe - and perhaps even travel - via the missing places in anything - broken mirrors, missing books in a library, and so on. Alarming! One assumes travel by such means is beyond them, for massed forces at least, as otherwise one imagines they would already be flooding in Amber via that route. But observation? Perhaps. And another thing for Cerebaton to investigate.


Moving back to the matter of the shapes of the various universal axes, it seems that the Godly and Fae axes are, as expected, not true independent axes, but instead the remnants of one which has been, in some manner, split longitudinally. Leaving the two halves linked by what seems to be a 'web' of power, which the Fae use in some magic-like fashion (with an intuitive and very high-level connection to magic, drawing on the energy of the natural environment to power their 'spells' much as the Gods draw on the Power of Faith), with the nodes on the 'web' being the Ideal shadows of the Gods, and the axes generally.

The matter which concerns me regarding this is the fact that the split which divided the two axes is by no means healed and is, in fact, growing as, so it seems, people from both sides try and cut the remaining links holding the two axes together. Accelerating the already-present process of deterioration.

Even if - as it seems - it was a war which caused the split between the Gods and Fae, was it really such a hate-filled conflict that one or both sides are happy to commit slow suicide to ensure the destruction of the other? Or are they simply unaware, or have forgotten the danger they are in? I find that hard to believe!

So why? If I can see it, surely they can too?

And what to do about it? I cannot let the Gods (and the Fae) inevitably, if slowly, die off...


And this leads to another rather worrying possibility suggested by Cerebaton. That I am being used by the Gods while also being kept in ignorance by them. Used, so Cerebaton speculates, to give them insight into the Ordered form of thinking that I, as one of the Blood of Amber, am apparently heir to. To complement their different - Idealised - manner of thought.

I wish I saw more evidence for this in myself. I have seen no vast change in my own thinking since staring into the Eye of Aleph, but I cannot be sure of this as yet.

Unfortunately. their being so non-forthcoming regarding their ruling Council, history and so on, despite my explicit questions to Anubis, does tend to rather support Cerebaton's point of view.

As does my not being informed of the true extent of their race, in cultural terms. Apparently only those Gods who might be termed, in some shadows, they Egyptian or Greco-Roman still exist within their ... nation, I suppose. And myself.

All of the other Gods are nowhere to be found. Lost in shadow, or with the Dragosians, or dead. The result, it seems, of the Divinians being more than willing to war not just with the Fae, with but themselves (though I suppose if they were originally of the same race then there is no true distinction between the Gods and Fae either).

Why? Does the religious intolerance that one sees so much in shadow extend to the Gods themselves, to the point of civil war? Of genocide?

It would seem that it does.

Which is, to say the least, worrying. Am I now involved in such, without my knowledge? And are all instances of seeming co-operation between Gods doomed to end in bloodshed? I most certainly hope not. But I can see why they may, with only so many worshippers to go around. All of this being so, I can now see some attraction in Thomas' plan to have shadows as a whole worship me, rather than myself and other Gods, as a means of avoiding such - inevitable? - bloodshed. Though how Anubis and the other Gods might react to this I do not know...


I must say that I am, to say the very least, disappointed. Perhaps appalled is a better word. I had such hopes that the Gods might be a better group to be a part of - a better family - then that of Amber.

But now it seems that they may be no better - and perhaps even much worse - than the Amberites. So what do I do now?

I cannot help thinking that resigning from the company of the Gods will be just as effective - which is to say, not at all - as doing so from the Family of Amber...

Damn it all.


Cerebaton is going to talk to some of the Fae in an attempt to find out more. I hope he is successful, and he seems quite confident, having already spoken to several Fae before now when warning them of the Dragosian presence in their realm. However, I cannot but be somewhat concerned should he, in doing so, reveal that he knows too much so that the Fae attempt to make him vanish, as I was told people who come to know too much of the Fae have a tendency to do.

Let us hope that matters do not come to such a pass...


I did not see these negative possibilities to the actions of the Gods at all, while Cerebaton did. Am I simply too naive for these political games I am, increasingly, playing these days? There is certainly evidence for it in this, alas.

Or is it simply that Cerebaton simply has more time and more opportunity to think on these matters these days than I? And may, now, be more intelligent and more capable than myself? I do not know. Though I rather hope the latter is the case.

To some extent. I think I, perhaps like other parents, do not enjoy the thought that I might be surpassed by my offspring, regardless of how much they have earned it, and how proud one may also be of their having done so.


The attack that I initiated on the Dragosians seems to have had some effect on them. Not as much as, perhaps, one might have hoped, with some Dragosian minds becoming one with the Clan Minds and others, less complete, being lost.

But apparently the Clan Minds are beginning even now the process of cloning new bodies for themselves to replace those lost. A pity. But from Cerebaton's words it should certainly be more than possible to, if not disrupt the cloning process, perhaps use access to it more intelligently, to infect or corrupt it so that the Clan Minds take within themselves something of our choosing. Such as a Mental Feeder or two, perhaps.

Cerebaton is even now consulting with Caine and Abel regarding this. Let us hope something positive will come out of it in the end...


Cerebaton has also been able to draw some conclusions regarding the powers of the Ixfenians, with some input from myself. They do seem to be the reverse of those of the Dragosians, to some extent. Recreation, Destruction (a reversed form of Recreation, so that new things may be created in the spaces thus created) and Recycling. Such that all of their ages are unknowable from an external scan, due to their being in a constant state of flux. Interesting. And implying that the Ixfenians do not possess the power of true creation, of things out of nothingness. That they always require raw material to reshape to their ends. Something to bear in mind...

And something that is supported by the fact that their realm is apparently a vast mass of formless matter that they mould at will around their cities - their places of power and stability - to create their desired environment.

Comparing the Dragosian powers of Negation, Separation and Entropy with the Ixfenian ones of Recreation, Destruction and Recycling does imply that perhaps they are not exact mirrors of one another. Negation could, I suppose, be counter to Recreation, one undoing, the other re-doing, and Entropy could be counter to Recycling, one breaking down, the other building back up. But I cannot see Separation as being counter to Destruction. I suppose we shall have to wait and see how matters stand when I have more information on the subject.

They must have very different means of moving through shadow, too. It seems that the Dragosians slip through the gaps, the Separations between things. I do not know exactly how the Ixfenians manage the trick, but I should imagine they must simply rebuild shadow, and shadow veils, to move through it.

It is interesting too to note that the Ixfenians, too, seem to have their internal factions, three of them, divided by powers. Those with the powers of Destruction and Recycling, which seem to be the minority powers, hiding them from their ruling 'Priest-Kings'. I wonder why, and what events in their history have led to such a pass?


The Fae also seem to have three factions within them, the Truador, the Arcady and the Keleria. Cerebaton has spoken to representatives of all three, a Lord Commander from Arcady, a War Master of Truador and also a small group of the Keleria Faerie which is apparently separate but working to help both sides 'in a way'. Though I am not sure exactly what that means. Presumably the three groups are separated by powers or blood in some fashion.

I wonder what this pre-eminence of three means, across the axes, if anything?


For that matter, Cerebaton has had some insights into the nature of the Pattern of Logrus before its division into the separate powers of Pattern and Logrus. How it would have, probably, incorporated the basic elements of both powers with specialisations in the more Chaotic and Ordered extremes of the power, presumably analogous to the more advanced portions of Logrus and Pattern as they exist today. And providing two of the three powers of the Order-Chaos axis, with, perhaps, Shapeshifting being the third.

I wonder what the splitting of the Pattern of Logrus was like fore those with the power? Not terribly pleasant, I should imagine...

Interesting speculation. Not terribly relevant, but still, interesting...


It seems, as well, that the Tree of Ygg is not the Tree of Life/Great Machine, so that the existence of its cutting at Corwin's Pattern is not a threat to Universal Order after all. Instead it is the Ideal Tree, located at the Ideal Centre. I wonder if its having a cutting, though, has weakened that Ideal? Can one have two Ideal Trees?

However, regardless of that, the Tree of Life appears to be a device, some two feet long, rather tree-like in shape and colouration, with places for ten gems at the tips of its 'branches' and one more at the base of its 'trunk', all of basically the same size and shape.

I cannot help but speculate that were all the various gems (such as the Jewel of Judgement and the Eye of Aleph) to be replaced in it the Dragosians would have their wish and the universe be restored to something resembling its former self.

However, given the current location of the device, buried under the Tree of Ygg itself, examination by anything other then Passive observation is, to say the least, impractical for now. So we shall see...


And on a more personal note, I have made the acquaintance of the various Chaos snipers - from House Hendrake - that the Lady Shandar brought in to assist with the killing of the various Dragosians whose locations we found. One of them - Lord Samiel Asari Del Southron, Weapon Master of the First Rank, out of Kendra by Taimerlain. Duke of the Eastern Reaches of the Blackzone - seems to be rather taken with me, and wishes to take me out for dinner.

I admit partly by my own actions. Letting my Lust out, as I promised it I would before assaying the Eye of Aleph, when it showed me the power of my Potential. But on the other hand he is rather attractive, so I believe I shall allow him to do so, when the time allows.

The question is, of course, am I simply doing this because I wish to keep my word to my Lust, or perhaps because I wish to have an actual relationship with the man?

An interesting question.

If the former, that is perhaps not the way forward. Samiel may, not unreasonably, think me a terrible ... flirt, or tease ... if I lead him on in this fashion.

So this is something I need to consider if our ... relationship ... should show any signs of progressing beyond the stage of dinner...


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