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Back to the diary entry for 'Tis A Far, Far Better Thing...' (Part 3).
Congratulations, Elaine. You have become - are now - the callous, hard-nosed bitch of an Amberite you used to play at being. But to whom, until now, you had not surrendered that last inch to truly become her. And worst of all, I find I do not really even care about the loss of the old Elaine. All I feel is ... free. Free to act as circumstance dictates, without conscience, or remorse. But, Unicorn, it is a cold, dark, hollow kind of freedom, and there is no joy in it. No joy in me, not of the old kind, when the multiverse was my playground and shadow my sandbox. When I played at cynicism and hate. Perhaps it would help, even, if I hated this new me. But I do not. This new me feels as natural as the old one.
Does that mean that the blood curse has created this new side of me? Or was it there all along, lurking inside me, waiting for the correct trigger to bring it forth?. For it to seep out and subsume me, as it has now done? I cannot help feeling that it has come out too fast to be entirely new. That it is a side of me never seen until now, but which was there all along. A side that wants to survive, and more than survive, no matter the cost. No matter what I must lose, or willingly throw away, to do so. A side that I think I may not be able to put back in its box when - if - circumstances change, and the curse is cured.
The Elders are right, though. Shadow is one thing. Reality, all that truly counts - other than obligation, and responsibility, and a need to undo as much as I can of that which I have done.
At least Dworkin does not seem to approve of all this pussyfooting about with Chaos. He appears to think that they should be wiped out too. But apparently he never has the time. We should enquire as to how he might make the time.
He did not approve of all this messing about with Primal Forces (in the shape of Broken Patterns) which has been going on recently - apparently it unbalances the universe. A fair point, one with which I could not agree more.
However, Khortez and I were both a little concerned by Dworkin's reaction to the name of Swayvil. He curled up into a ball and turned into a jelly - literally! We could not help thinking that this was not a good thing. Fortunately, liberal application of various alcoholic beverages reverted him into what, for him, passes for normal. But I cannot help wondering what happened to Dworkin that he now has such a monstrous terror of Swayvil. Perhaps Swayvil is not quite as reasonable as he has appeared to be in the past when his realm is threatened...
Dworkin was also concerned to learn that both Cymnea (with Caradoc) and Fiona (with Mandor) had bred again. Concern regarding Cymnea I can understand; that for Fiona less so. He wanted to find the bodies of Arran and Mandor's fathers. Not that we know they are actually dead. He called Fiona a 'red widow' - a husband-eating spider - and behold - her Trump had changed to prove it! A six-armed, mandibled, spidery Fiona is not a pleasant thing to behold! I would wonder how he shifted the Trump image like that, but he did invent the things and one more mystery on my list of mysteries is insignificant at this point. Perhaps more importantly, I wonder what, if anything, he meant about Fiona? He could have been telling the literal truth, or simply spouting utter nonsense. How are we to tell the difference? I feel far more reluctant to give him - the Master of the Line - the third degree than some lord of Chaos! Anyway, whichever it is, hopefully we can live without doing anything regarding it for the time being...
If nothing else, Tony and Adeira got Khortez and I into the reception for Maryse, the new head of House Chanicut, in the hope that Bances would be there. So perhaps Tony is not entirely without his uses. Just not for anything requiring intelligence, or subtlety, or integrity.
Khortez and I did not receive the friendliest welcome at House Chanicut. Even the servants were rude, in a very polite way, and I had to show some of the grey-skinned Chaosites from House DuKat how sneering should be done when they dared to sneer at us.
I did find it slightly irritating that despite my best efforts I could not really compete, in looks, with the ladies of Chaos. Damn shapeshifters.
It was a surprise, to say the least, to discover Dalt there as Maryse's consort, with his son Alan by him. As far as we knew he was off fighting Benedict in shadow Begma. So it seems that both he and Benedict are involved with Chaos. Coincidence? Or are they in league? It seems awfully convenient. Hopefully Jay will find some useful evidence one way or another when he arrives in Begma. But, nonetheless, despite this surprise we were as polite as the circumstances dictated.
Our politeness continued when Cymnea arrived, but it was harder in her case. Considerably harder. She appeared to be suffering from the same problem. However, politeness was maintained. Diplomacy continued.
I did not realise Tony was quite such a spineless slug until I saw his revolting display of grovelling to Cymnea. Clearly he has no memory or concern for anyone or anything at all other than Adeira. I am sure there are many, now, knowing Tony can be so easily manipulated by love, who wish they could have got there first. Oh well, I have little faith their marriage will last - having met and quite liked Adeira, she seems quite intelligent, which implies that sooner or later she will see Tony for the pathetic wretch he is and reject him in favour of someone a little further up the evolutionary ladder - someone with a spine. Assuming, of course, that she really does love him and is not simply using him for her own ends. But if their marriage does fail, I imagine that by then someone will be ready with a new love for Tony with which to lead him about by the nose...
Tony continued to put on a less than impressive show when, after he was done with his spineless grovelling to Cymnea, he offered to recover Winton for her! She did not look terribly pleased when I stomped on this idea, but really! See my concern. Tony did manage to amaze me further, however, when he gave Cymnea his Trump. Yes, Tony, give another of our major enemies a way to control your mind and use you as a remote-controlled weapon in the way Winton did. Very good! It took Winton, with a spell, hours at the most to utterly control you. What will Cymnea be able to do with your Trump, her power, and unlimited time? Nothing good, of that I am sure.
Then Tony Trumped Sal and Amber's Psycho Squad A through to the reception. I am not entirely sure why Tony did this. Perhaps Sal gave him no choice. But, for whatever reason, Sal was there and he certainly had no concerns for diplomacy. As soon as he saw Cymnea, it was guns out, and attack!
Then Tony said a word and Sal dropped a gun. What was Tony thinking?! Assuming he was thinking at all, which I strongly doubt. Regardless, Sal fired at Cymnea and produced another gun with which he then shot Tony in the groin. Personally, I was quite happy for Sal to try to kill Cymnea, but given where we were I felt it unwise to actively assist at that time. However, I know I could have made a good attempt to stop him, given that I am faster than he. But I didn't want to. I want Cymnea dead too. Perhaps not as much as Sal does, but nonetheless, the sooner that bitch lies dead, the happier I shall be.
But the middle of a reception in the Courts of Chaos is not the place, especially unprepared. So I simply spoke, "No, Sal, don't." For the sake of the witnesses.
And, alas, three large-calibre bullets in the back did little more than briefly incapacitate Cymnea. Sal's many other bullets were stopped by some form of magical shield. And she, alas, did not die. Being a shapeshifter and there being too many magic users about, I imagine. Something to keep in mind in the future, when the time comes to do a proper job. Things were not helped by Psycho Squad A blazing away indiscriminately at all and sundry, killing various Chaosites before they were stopped. Sal too was quickly brought down, and Dalt dragged him off, to where we did not know, but I cannot imagine it was anywhere pleasant.
It is a great pity Sal did not get lucky, but it does not do to rely on luck.
Tony helped Cymnea recover from her injuries with another word. This too did not really put him in my, at least, good books. It was alarming how quickly she - and Tony - recovered from their wounds. Damn shapeshifters.
It was also such a pity that Tony recovered so quickly from being shot in the groin by Sal. He really needed to suffer more. Much more. I had thought that shooting a person in what passes for their brains would do them a great deal of harm. Clearly Tony is an exception to that rule. Or perhaps one cannot destroy what does not exist.
I turned down the chance of a stay in Chaos to return to Gotham and prepare for sending my forces to K'del to help in the evacuation. But before I went, Tony reappeared, looking remarkably chipper. He ... overreacted when I enquired as to the state of his groin, and tried to hit me. He only succeeded in ruffling my hair, but even that was surprising - I thought I was fast. Apparently, so is Tony. Strangely enough I turned down his offer of staying in Sawall, too, and, later, his offer of help. Perhaps when Hell freezes over, Tony. Not before. Unless there is a suicide mission for which we need a volunteer.
I was disappointed when Khortez took up Tony's offer of overnight lodgings in House Sawall. I thought he had more taste. Unless - I hope - he was simply using Tony to his own advantage, as so many others do.
Mirelle's is not a job I would care to have. However, that is no excuse for taking the side of Chaosites over us (well, me at least), when I have only been rude to those who were rude to me first. How childish that sounds, written down. But nonetheless, it is true.
Which would you have us be, Mirelle? Amberites, who won the war against Chaos (if only just, it seems) or their spineless lapdogs, like Tony? Presumably, as our ambassador, you do have some clue about how things work in Chaos, but I cannot help feeling that Amber appeasing Chaos at all is not in our long-term interests. Politeness, when it is reciprocated, is one thing. Grovelling like a whipped cur quite another.
I was also not terribly impressed when Mirelle said she could (or would?) not help me if I 'kept this up'. Glad to see you are putting family before all, Mirelle.
But thinking on this does lead a rather disturbing thought to occur to me. That perhaps my subconscious mind is prompting me - like an animal in a trap chewing its own leg off in order to escape - into effectively committing suicide without killing myself, so as to be able to undo this Unicorn-damned blood curse, one way or another.
Alas, I was rather short with Bances when he finally deigned to turn up, just after Sal was dragged away. I could have been more polite, but I had never met him before, and more Unicorn-damned cryptic Chaosites I did not need at that particular moment in time.
Khortez also did not terribly impress me when suggested said that, when this is over, we go on holiday to somewhere I can learn patience! You'll have to excuse me, bother, but I have been practising patience since the start of this current debacle. However, my patience is not infinite and sooner or later it will run out, as Sal's did today.
Then he had the temerity to ask if I cared about K'del. Had he not been who he is I might have been spurred to violence by those words. As it was, I was simply polite. Very polite. Why did he think I was going to spurn Bances - the hope of a cure for this curse - in favour of sending my evacuation forces through to the place?!
Overall, 'Diplomatic Incident' hardly seems a sufficiently strong phrase to describe Sal's actions. But at least I now understand why Sal did what he did regarding Cymnea. It turns out that someone wearing Sal's face - it must have been Cymnea or one of her agents - signed Nicholas out of the Amber infirmary, and he is missing again. Not good. And Cymnea has been messing with Gotham too. A Logrus-driven super-storm was circulating when I returned there. I wish I could find it in me to be more annoyed with her for that, but Gotham just does not seem very important at present. Had her actions interfered with my plans for the evacuation of K'del then I might have had a rather different opinion of her actions, however...
But even if the reception at House Chanicut did not go entirely as planned it was at least pleasant to get out of my armour and into a nice party frock in my colours for a change.
I wonder if I am the only one of us of the opinion that Tony would be far more useful as nutritious worm food than in any other role he might perform? Perhaps I shall enquire. I wonder, too, how his mother might greet such a prospect...
Even though he had previously proffered a cure for our blood curses, I was glad to be able to reject Bances' invitation for a little chat. Had I gone, knowing now what he said, I feel that another diplomatic ... faux pas ... might well have been forthcoming. But I had more important things to do. Moving my forces to K'del to assist in the evacuation. My apologies, priest, but I was doing something important, involving people I give a damn about. I did not have time to indulge in more cryptic Chaos bullshit and posturing.
Does Chaos really have such a low opinion of we Amberites? From what Khortez told me - and the King - of his meeting with Bances it would appear so. It seems I was right - he was not offering to tell us the cure out of the kindness of what, in a Chaosite, passes for his heart, but only for the good of Chaos. Apparently he believes us so self-centred, so lacking in loyalty or family feeling we would hand the whole of Amber over to Chaos to simply save ourselves.
He says the Breath of the Serpent - the entire Serpent - can cure blood curses. So to cure ourselves, he said, all we would have to do would be to steal the Jewel of Judgement and return it to Chaos. I do not think so. I was glad to find Khortez with the King when he told me this, having just told the same to His Majesty. Had he not, I would have, brother or no brother, however disappointedly. And that would not have reflected well on him. Khortez is my brother - my only brother - but, as Bances seems not to understand, some things are more important than blood, or self-preservation, to these Amberites, at least.
But regardless of Bances and Chaos, I did, with the aid of Calen and others at that end, send my - Malachite's - forces (some tens of thousands of my best) through to K'del. I hope my plans prove effective, and these Nazi's of Sal's do not cause problems. For some reason Jay's gypsies seem not to like them, which is unfortunate as otherwise they could have been quite useful in the evacuation. Hopefully my forces and the Nazis can co-operate in this. My people have orders not to start anything with them, but they will finish anything which is started, by overwhelming numbers if nothing else, non-lethally if possible. We shall have to see.
I hope they do not suffer too many problems, or casualties. My forces are loyal, but this is rather outside their usual range of missions.
Apparently, after being briefed by Mirelle, Random was not entirely happy with events in Chaos. Not entirely unexpected. However, standing on top of the highest tower in Amber Castle, having a temper tantrum and using the Jewel of Judgement to summon a huge tempest might be seen as overreacting a little, and was certainly unexpected from my point of view. I find myself somewhat disappointed in him. He has thrown away a little of the respect I had for him.
More ... interesting ... family data has also come to light. Apparently Deela, Dalt's mother, was a daughter of Benedict. Not that this stopped Oberon from raping her. Whether he knew her parentage at the time is a rather open question, but given the power he is said to have had, I find it hard to believe he did not know she was at least an Amberite. One can see how this information might well bias the offspring of this rape against Amber, and does not do anything to counteract the tales of Oberon's, well, evil.
At least Sal did not languish in the dungeons of House Chanicut for too long. I felt slightly guilty at doing nothing to assist him, but I, and it seems Khortez too, could think of nothing at the time, or later, to get him out (Tony I simply discounted as a source of anything useful). I did not realise Corwin cared so much about Sal, given the history of mutual violence between them, until he Trumped me wanting to know what had happened. He did not look in a mood to be played with, and frankly neither was I. So I told him everything.
And the next thing we knew Corwin, so we are told, had single-handedly broken into ChanicutWays and liberated Sal, injuring Maryse and her heir in the process. Apparently Dalt was not present. A pity Corwin did not kill them. It might have triggered the war I now feel is both inevitable and necessary.
Perhaps I should have offered to assist Corwin in getting Sal out, but when he questioned me on what had happened I did not think that breaking into the Ways of a major house of Chaos was on his mind. I must call him to congratulate him and see how Sal is. Perhaps I shall offer him my services if he needs them in future.
This second diplomatic incident has also, unsurprisingly, not gone down well. Random is desperately trying to smooth things over with Chaos. How much luck he will have I do not know. I suggested a first strike against Chaos, but unfortunately my suggestion was not received terribly well.
Random did confirm my suspicions about the end of the war, though. It was luck that allowed us a narrow margin of victory over Chaos. No wonder he is so keen to maintain good relations with the Courts - we might not be so lucky a second time. Despite this, extermination is still, in my opinion, the only sensible option. This just makes it a more difficult goal to achieve. However, I am not sure I fully agree with Khortez's rather optimistic assessment that only Brands treachery, and Corwin's blood curse, made it such a close thing last time. They may have helped Chaos by their actions but Chaos has certainly given me the impression that they are formidable enough to beat us without assistance...
How anyone thinks the last war finished anything is beyond me. While there are still so many in Chaos who hate us it will never be over. I am coming to the conclusion that this period of peace - of cold war - is only a gap between wars, and sooner or later some truly final conflict will occur, and then things will be settled - one way, or another.
On to the diary entry for 'Out Of The Frying Pan' (Part 2).
[OUT OF CHARACTER NOTE: If Elaine knew enough shadow Earth history she would see the current situation between Amber and Chaos as analogous to the period between shadow Earth's WWI and WWII, with Amber as the British, appeasing Chaos (as the Germans) while they build their strength up and up...]