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Back to the diary entry for 'Out Of The Frying Pan' (Part 3).
Cymnea is dead. The Rebel Houses of Chaos are destroyed. Random is restored to the Throne of Amber. And I am no longer Death Cursed. But the cost has been far too high. Khortez is dead. That is the cost.
And so my brother - my only brother - is dead. And he died a better person than I, damn him.
No. Not damn him. Bless him.
Even as I felt my life slipping away and knew the time was right for my Death Curse, or Death Blessing, my hate for him at his betrayal over K'del, and my hate for our enemies, caused me to Curse Severin, rather than Bless Khortez.
He, it seems, was not so blinded, and in finding me so close to death, killed himself to deliver his Blessing.
Why? Because he knew he was dying even so, and decided to, as he saw it, make his death count for something? Perhaps. But now I will never know for sure. Never know the entire truth. Damn it Khortez, how could you do this for (and to) me?! I expected you to behave like an Amberite, damn it!
But that seems so ungrateful. He gave his life for me. To me! But things had seemed so simple. Fight the battle. Do as much harm to Chaos as possible. Then die. Simple and complete. Leaving many things undone, of course, but still, closure of a kind.
And now? Now I have my whole immortal life ahead of me again. And to be honest, at this point I am not sure what I intend to do with it.
How unpleasant it was to wake feeling better than I had in a very long time (or, at least, what felt like a very long time), only to discover the disembowelled corpse of my brother beside me, his own damned sword chewing happily on his vitals.
But now, with his body committed to the depths of the Abyss as his will dictated, in the same place as mother went over the edge, Al-Ghul is all I have left of Khortez. So I feel I have no choice, despite my dislike of it, but to make it mine. A memento of the dearly departed.
At least my Death Curse was not entirely wasted. It appears that Martin, or at least Severin impersonating Martin, spontaneously combusted upon the throne of Amber when the Curse took effect. I wish I could say that I felt more joy from that, but under the circumstances it is a small consolation. A very small consolation.
But before that, we went into battle at last.
How ... enlightening ... it was to discover that I am now the equal of Corwin and Eric in skill, and superior to Bleys and Julian. Enlightening, and rather alarming, too! And, I was pleased to discover, I am able to effectively command a large force in battle.
At this rate, I wonder how long it would take for me to become the equal of Benedict himself?
Fiona's Gucci camouflage outfit - little dress and boots - certainly surprised me when she appeared wearing it in Corwin's camp. One cannot help but think that she was not expecting to engage in combat while wearing it...
But how I have changed since the Death Curse. Where, before, I would not kill at all, in this battle, by contrast, I would take no Chaos prisoners at all. They were the enemy, and I could not spare the forces to care for prisoners each of whom was somewhat superior to one of my cat-people. Good and practical reasons all, but still, how I have changed. And how little that change continues to concern me...
It is rather a pity that I was unable to provide more support to Khortez's idea of forming a strike team to hunt down and kill Cymnea. Under other circumstances I would certainly have been interested in participating in such a mission. But in these circumstances, alas, I could not spare the time away from my army that such a mission would have necessitated.
And, unfortunately, I think everyone else felt the same way, so no attempt at Khortez's plan was even made.
Still, at least Cymnea died anyway in the end, thanks to Khortez...
I wonder whether my little chat with Mandor had much impact on the outcome of the war? I certainly hope so. Spreading the news of Cymnea's being part of the Cult of Rosifer from inside Chaos rather than from outside, from Amber, seemed to be such a sensible way forwards. And I am glad that Mandor was willing to assist, in the middle of everything else. Still, even had he not, I am sure I could have found someone else who would, given the value of such a stratagem...
Again, I have become so cold and manipulative since Winton's Death Curse. And again, I wish I could really find it in myself to care.
But with my 'take no prisoners' strategy firmly in place, I was pleased when, after some struggle, we were able to decapitate House Dukatt, by removing its command centre. There was a certain pleasure to be had, also, in my killing of their Head of House, Paragul.
Being the recipient of his Death Curse, however, was a much less pleasant experience. "You shall not live to celebrate your victory," he intoned. Had living out the day been high on my list of priorities, I might have been concerned. As it was, I was not.
But still, one such curse was bad enough. Two... Two was worse. Much worse. And this was before the other oh-so-pleasant side-effect of the cumulative Curses became apparent - the way in which, for example, the Curse rendered me immune to the effects of healing and other assistance-rendering magics.
But still, despite my injuries, what was there to do but continue? Lives were depending on my actions. So I withdrew from the front and instead merely directed from the rear.
And so I exterminated House Dukatt on the battlefield. Elsewhere on the field, House Balthazar suffered a similar fate.
At that point, I would have quite liked to divert my forces to assist Corwin in the fight against Cymnea and the army of House Caradoc. But, alas, such was not to be. Bleys' forces, fighting House Chanicut, were outmatched and given the roughly equal skills of Corwin and myself, but my superiority to Bleys, it made more sense for me to assist him than assist Corwin. So that is what I did. Dammit.
At least, with my help, we began to defeat Chanicut. It seems Marissa and Dalt lead their army. No wonder Bleys was in difficulty! But not as much difficulty as Corwin, freshly healed in Delwin's fast-time shadow, when Benedict took the field against him. Such a pity I could not be there to assist but, alas, splitting my forces was simply not a practical option at that point.
While we fought on against Chanicut the news reached us that House Amblerash had also been defeated. Unfortunately, High Priest Bances had escaped, but still, this was good news. Then came still better news - war had broken out in the Courts itself - Houses Barimen, Sawall, Ucarno, Hendrake and Kylastor against the Rebel Houses, with some form of weapon of mass destruction proving most effective in subduing the Rebel Houses before they were attacked. Fiona and Mandor's work, I assumed.
I hope my little chat with Mandor assisted in convincing Hendrake, at least, to move off the fence and on to the correct (that is, our) side. Perhaps I shall ask.
I did hope that this news might mean the start of a more widespread war in Chaos, one that might wipe out, or at least severely damage, both sides. But, alas, such was not to be the case. At least, I suppose, the Rebel Houses were the ones to be defeated rather than those who give at least a damn for Amber, or the status quo...
Shortly after this news, we learnt that Bances was now with the forces of Chanicut. Summoning Primal Chaos as he teleported about the battlefield, largely unconcerned about exactly whom he summoning it upon. It seems that he did not take well to losing. Not well at all. How my heart bled for him.
He thought he was moving randomly about the battlefield. I was able to show him the error in that assumption, and discern his pattern. Although, alas, I was not able to not kill him, he was at least driven off the field, badly hurt, and did not resume his attacks. Apparently he left to hole up in the Cathedral of the Serpent until, later, being winkled out by the forces of King Swayvil.
It is still a pity that we were not acting for Amber in the war, though given who 'Martin' turned out to be, I can see why we were not.
That left only Dalt and Marysse to be dealt with before Chanicut's forces could be destroyed. And I was the only one who could. He was good. She was better. I, unfortunately for them, was best.
Dalt died by my hand, but again not before he could pronounce his Death Curse. Unicorn! I thought two Death Curses were bad. How much better, though, were two than three. I have never felt such ... pain, sickness, nausea. Now I know how a terminally ill shadow dweller feels in the last stages of their illness.
I felt the Curse and I knew that I had only a little time left. So I engaged Marysse in combat before it was too late. And, eventually, she too died by my hand, but again, not before she pronounced her Death Curse on me. Again, I thought three Curses bad, but that was nothing compared to four.
I felt my life slipping quickly away, quickly and nauseatingly, and so pronounced my Death Curse. That Severin die a quick and painful death. I felt the Curse pass through me, then the world faded sickeningly away...
... To wake, and find that Khortez had made the ultimate sacrifice for me...
And what news after I stopped my weeping for Khortez, dried my eyes, and discovered that the battle was over?
'Martin' - or Severin, in fact - had spontaneously combusted upon the throne of Amber, as I wrote above. Good. I hope it hurt as much as my curse implied. That is one more problem dealt with. And with Lyta fled, one hopes there will be few loose ends to this aspect of recent events.
Sal and Arran managed to capture Merlin in the end. And surprisingly it turns out that he was the driving force behind all of this. Though Severin and Cymnea were hardly innocent and may have used him somewhat, his madness was, apparently, the main engine of their plot. He was literally power-mad, insane.
At least that problem too is now solved. Sal and Arran's interrogation has, not undeservedly, left Merlin a mindless vegetable. I suppose Sal was feeling liberal at the time, as he seems not to have fulfilled his promise to 'almost kill Merlin for a very long time'. Still, at least now Tony has someone of his own mental level to talk to...
And writing of Tony as I am, it seems that Tony's efforts to ingratiate himself with Chaos apparently go far beyond anything we had previously imagined possible, even for him. Not content with merely retrieving Winton's body, he is now responsible for Winton being resurrected! Insane cretin!!! What the hell was he thinking?!?! Thank you so much, Tony.
Does he never learn? Will he never learn? Can he ever learn?! Presumably not, given his new position as Suhey's lap-dog, constantly praising Suhey to the skies while rubbishing Dworkin.
Traitorous little shite.
And what shall we do about Winton now that he is alive again? There is certainly a temptation to try and hunt him down (again) and kill him (again). But given his present association with Suhey, and, to be honest, how well that went the last time we attempted it, that might be ... difficult.
For the moment, as long as he remains in Chaos, I think I shall do nothing about him...
More alarmingly, it turns out that Sal and Tony died when they assayed the Lattice, and that they emerged from it as Lattice-constructs. This was not a good thing! I have no idea what Tony intends to do to cure this problem (simply die, perhaps?), but Sal has moved himself into Merlin's now-vacant body.
Perhaps Tony will ask Suhey, his new god, to help him...
More pleasingly, Random is back on the throne of Amber (which was, fortunately, not at all scorched by Severin's immolation), with Vialle at his side. And with a new baby son, Alarid, too.
This last came as a huge surprise to me - I did not even know that Vialle was pregnant! Though I can fully understand why she might have wanted to keep this news very quiet under the circumstances. Particularly given that Alarid is entirely legitimate, and had Martin still been alive, would have had a better claim to the throne of Amber than him.
The Unicorn re-affirmed Random as King too, which was certainly good to see, and the cats (Random's cats) have also returned to the Castle. Inigo still refuses to tell me what they are up to, though...
I was also glad to see that Eric did not try to make any claim on the throne when Random returned. Perhaps seeing the Unicorn's reaffirmation of Random's kingship told him how likely he was to succeed in any such attempt. But whatever his reasons, I am glad that he did not try.
Less pleasingly, it seems that Martin - the real Martin this time - has been dead for some ten years, since before I came to Amber, in fact. Murdered off in shadow, presumably by Severin.
A pity he did not have a chance to use his Death Curse effectively, or recent events might have taken a very different turn, or been aborted altogether.
And this news makes me so glad that I did not swear loyalty to 'Martin' as King of Amber when he took the Throne...
The only problem I currently have with what Random has done since he returned to the throne is his actions regarding Benedict. How Benedict has simply been given, as far as I can tell, a slight ticking-off, and then returned to the fold. Why?! Benedict is a traitor. Pure and simple! He fought against Corwin and for Cymnea on the battlefield. And now he is back in Amber?!
Is Random mad?! Why would he do this? Does he think we need Benedict that much? Or that there is some kind of 'loyalty switch' in Benedict's head?! One way loyal to Amber; one way loyal to Cymnea, another way, loyal to whom?!
What is he thinking?! I think that I must ask him what is going on, or all faith I may have in him may be lost...
I think Severin did something to Arran and I during that incident when he and I were mistaken about ... something ... regarding Martin's Trump. Something regarding Martin's being dead, perhaps? Perhaps. But I still do not know what, exactly...
I wonder too what Fiona found out about Severin, in the end...
And the three parts of Khortez's funeral are now over. The lying in state in the Cathedral of the Unicorn in Amber. The consigning his body to the Abyss, as his will dictated, with only the family (not including Tony) in attendance. Then the larger wake in his home shadow, Castillon.
I found them to all be ... very moving. Particularly the consignment. I have not felt so emotional for a very long time. Possibly never before in my life.
But now he is gone, and I am the only member of Deirdre's line left in Amber. What, I wonder, shall I do now?