Internal Memo

I am well aware that we are now three weeks over the allotted schedule for location work on WWD2, and believe me, I share your concern. The problem is the new scientific advisor you saw fit to foist on us. His enthusiasm for the project is exemplary. The quality of his advice, however, leaves a lot to be desired, even in those areas where one might expect him to display at least some expertise. I refuse to believe, for example, that Velociraptors chased their prey in chariots, ate ice cream and marshmallows for desert, and then went to the opera afterwards. I am likewise sceptical of the notion that their pack-bonding displays consisted of singing a garbled version of "Minnie the Moocher". Does he even have any professional qualifications? I'm starting to suspect that this honorary degree from the Amber School of Antiquities is a fake, since no-one I've asked has ever heard of the institution.

However, the real difficulty is that it is almost impossible to keep him behind the camera rather than in front of it. He just does not seem to understand that we are not making a film about him. One of the cameramen had the idea of telling him that we were trying to film invisible dinosaurs, which gave us about half a day's respite, but now whenever we point the camera somewhere, he rushes into shot to sniff out a non-existent Eotyrannus or whatever. We have had to reshoot a lot of footage because of this, and unless Framestore can digitally edit him out of the rest of it, we are looking at anything up to another fortnight's location work. Did I mention that he likes to play with the animatronics too? If I never see a latex Protoceratops miming to "Lillibullero" again, it will still be too soon. The only solution we've been able to hit upon is to get him drunk, hence the expenses claim for beer that you saw fit to query. Believe me, the license-payers' money has never been so well spent.

I do appreciate that he possesses first-hand experience of Mesozoic life, but it would make our own lives a lot easier if we could just send him back to you in London. If we have to use him, then I've noticed that he likes telling stories. So perhaps we can get him to narrate if Branagh can't commit? Either way, please get him out of my hair.

Yours

Jasper