Part 12 Index Part 14
Tea with Llewella
Bitch. Craven, cowardly bitch.
'Oh, I was so scared of wicked Eric. I couldn't possibly come and save you.' Bitch. I was right. She doesn't love me at all. No wonder she was so abrupt with me, for whatever reason, earlier. She never loved me. If she did, no prohibition by anyone would have stopped her from saving me.
And here I hoped things might be so different between us. Well, now I know.
Trying to make me feel sorry for poor little her. No. Never. How terrible I feel. Sad, and angry, and despairing, and bitter, and disappointed, and lost, and hollow. Oh, so very empty. A twisting mass of feelings. That's what it feel like, resting heavily in my belly. But I won't tell her that. Never. I regret the tears I've already shed here. Wasted. On ... for ... someone who didn't deserve them.
I came here hoping for a mother (although no-one could replace Malintha). But all I've found ... is a pimp. A collaborator. A crawling creature.
I only hope that, one day, I have the opportunity to hurt you, 'mother', as you have me.
She says she couldn't come because she had to protect her mother, Moire. I don'tcare. She should have come to saveme. Is it so hard for her to imagine doing both? And so Moire is (was; I think someone said she was dead) clearly another person she cares for more than she does me. Well, I hope she feels happy that person she tried to protect is dead while the one she abandoned is here accusing her.
And Eric. A pity he is dead. Otherwise I would have dreamed of murdering him myself. I hope his death was the most tortuous imaginable, and that he is, even now, rotting in hell. He is the one that sent the Oricarians, killed my parents, destroyed my world, sold me into slavery and a life on the streets, and forced Llewella (no, I do not think she will ever be 'mother' to me now) to choose between me and Moire as a loyaltytest. He was the one, exploiting Llewella's weakness to bend her to his will. Scum. Worse than the worst Timashkurabad street scum. At least they only destroyed people one at a time. He did his work by the city. By the world.
I'm sorry I don't know the location of his grave. If I did, I would desecrate it. Perhaps I can find out.
I wonder how well Rune knew his father? And how much does he take after him? How can I even think of swearing any kind of loyalty to him until I know. But should I tar him with the same brush as his father? Perhaps not, at least not until I know. After all, I would not want to be tarred with the same brush as her.
In fact, this is worse than I imagined things might be. Not just ... negligence on Llewella's part. But ... actual ... wilful ... abandonment. I like to think I would never do that to someone I cared for, let along my child, unless there was no way to avoid it.
But perhaps she thought there wasn't. I don't care. From her own words she didn't even try. Just gave in. Bitch.