I did not realise that Random had taken such an interest in the provision of medical services in Amber. Certainly a much more serious interest than the late King Oberon. Funding medical research and training in Amber, which does seem to have led to the creation of a more than adequate non-magical medical service.
However, I do not understand why he put so little effort into the provision of medical magics. I am aware that the Pattern spikes may be a problem, but even so, I am sure that ways around them could be found, given time. I have offered to provide some medical mages from Ensilarum to assist, train, and learn in Amber. Perhaps that will, in time, provide a solution...
I am rather chagrined at my little show of pique in the Infirmary, however. Arrogantly using my magic to heal all of the injured there other than the person actually in surgery at the time. I was rather ... vexed ... at the seemingly deliberate lack of magical healing leaving people to suffer when they could so easily and quickly be returned to full health using magic. And I felt a demonstration was needed. But still, it was rather gratuitous - the doctors there are doing the best they can with what they have.
Still, perhaps in time, with the help of doctors such as Anita, who appear willing to learn, unlike some, more progress can be made in the area of magical healing in Amber...
No wonder the research in Amber goes as it does. They are making the best of their limited resources. Their limited time. One forgets - I forget, until it is brought home to me - how short the lives of non-Family members are, compared to our life expectancy. Only one hundred years or so, even in Amber itself. So ephemeral. No wonder the likes on Anita are so attached to their one specialisation - they do not have time to learn more. A quarter of their lives in studying to learn a skill; the rest to use it. It still shocks me to consider that I have already lived twice as long as Anita can hope to, with no end in sight. For me.
It must take bravery to strive as they do, knowing that there exist immortals among them who will have the time to, if they wish, surpass them. Bravery. And I salute it. Most definitely do I salute it.
I wonder if that is the source of the pre-eminence of Amberites and the other immortal races - not mere physical power, as there are ways to compensate for that. But knowledge. Skill. That we have so much more time - so much more opportunity - to master. Perhaps.
Could this great inequality be rectified?
Could shadow folk be given our long vistas of time? I wonder...
All of which implies, of course, that unless King Random has a secret supply of the Elixir of Life, that Queen Vialle is more than a normal native of Rebma, or of Amber.
Blue seems to have changed rather since last I spoke with him. Become more ... confident. Stronger, perhaps. He remains, however, rather naive. As evidenced by the uses he seemed to believe the others might put my Trumps of the Dragosian Clan Minds. Warning me to pass on the importance of the very language and accent to use when talking to them.
While knowledge of this tongue may be useful in and of itself, I cannot help but think that conversation is not what most of those to whom I gave these Trumps will be using them for.
As ideal as it might be for us to resolve the current situation in a peaceful manner, I cannot help but think that, alas, matters are now beyond that point...
Blue's opinion of the Family seems to be not entirely positive. Perhaps for reasons not entirely dissimilar to my own feelings on the matter. 'Rash, disunited and over-fond of war' was the phrase he used. The first two of these accusations are certainly more than justified, but over-fondness for war? I am not convinced. I am sure if they thought there was profit to be gained from it, certain members of the Family would be - perhaps are - conniving with the Clan Minds to their own ends. But the actions of the Clan Minds imply that they are simply not trustworthy enough for anyone to risk such a discourse with them.
Perhaps if we spoke their language things might be different. With luck, Blue can be persuaded to provide assistance along those lines, though he seems, to say the least, reluctant to do so...
And apparently Blue and Dworkin are conversing on the subject of the repair of the Great Machine of the Dragosians. I have offered my help in this, and perhaps that offer will be taken up. I cannot help but wonder what form this repair, if it should occur, will take?
One hopes it will not take the form of the destruction and recreation of the entire universe. That would be most ... vexing ... to say the least...
I did not realise that Dworkin was aware of the Trump call I was making to Blue until he essentially accepted my offer, and said more, too. Clearly knowing a rather disconcerting amount regarding my feelings and motivations on current events. Apparently they are working on a way to repair the Machine. One which will hopefully be acceptable to both sides in this conflict. One which will apparently, rather disturbingly, lead to the temporary disappearance of the Pattern itself! Were I one who had assayed the Pattern and relied on it as much as most Amberites, I would be rather worried by that statement. Even so, I am hardly pleased by it!
I wonder why Blue and Dworkin were playing chess when I called him? One would hope for more than mere diversion, given current events. One hopes that they - that Dworkin - are acting in some fashion to assist in the resolution of what is happening. We shall see.
I had forgotten how ... disconcerting ... an encounter with Dworkin can be. His effortless tapping into my supposedly shielded Trump link. His deep knowledge of matters arcane.
His knowledge of the Sarithi - Pattern swords - and Spikards - rings, two of the latter for every one of the former. Werewindle clearly implies that these ancient and powerful entities have an agenda. But what, I wonder, is it? And how will it affect us? As with so many things of late time will, no doubt, tell... Apparently the Sarithi and Spikards will assist in restoring Amber and Sapphire to their 'proper shape', whatever that may be.
At least it appears, from his words, that he will not, after all, die in the near future. However, he describes what will happen instead, his 'doom', as to be changed instead. His use of the word 'doom' in this context does not encourage me to believe that this will be a good thing, though one hopes it may be.
Perhaps most disconcerting, I have learnt that Dworkin is not, in fact, his name. Instead, it appears to be some form of title, with his real name being Steve. Somehow, I find that very unsettling...
And apparently he will be replaced as Dworkin by Blue. A new Dworkin for a new era? One assumes so...
And, most unexpectedly, I have acquired what appears to be a sister. Iliskos. A full sister, whose mother was Ashanah, of the shadow B'leth-Shine. In fact, based on Master Tarn's telling me that mother was killed in the palace uprising only three days after I was born, a non-identical twin sister. Certainly it was disconcerting to see someone so like, and yet so unlike myself, as if in some type of strange mirror.
I am not sure how I feel about this development as yet. However, I have made a cold, logical decision to treat her warmly, as my sister, if only because it might be true, and she might be a valuable friend and ally. Particularly when the time comes to acquire a little justice from Prince Eric.
It is, perhaps, interesting to contrast my own life and what I so far know of that of Iliskos.
Though apparently unknown to father, in that he did not mention her at the Tessaract, or, apparently, provide her with a Primer of her own, she, as a baby, seems to have fallen into, possibly, better circumstances than I when she was taken away into shadow by this mysterious Mary. I wonder how that happened? Could someone have taken one baby but left the other? I do not know. Certainly from what Master Tarn said, father was away at the time of my - of our - birth. Perhaps this Mary was one of the rebels in B'leth-Shine? I do not know.
But regardless, in shadow D'Lasko-Elaine it appears that Iliskos had a mother and a father. A family, even if an adoptive one. Who, it seems, loved her. A home. Even if she had no knowledge of her true heritage. I cannot help but feel somewhat jealous.
And despite her being the same age as I (though, of course, older than Rinaldo), from her words she is, subjectively, rather older. A few hundred years old. Like myself a ruler, the Head of her Clan in D'Lasko-Elaine. And a shapeshifter. And, apparently, a Trump Artist too, one of no mean skill. I wonder whether we have anything to teach one another in this field? Perhaps...
Also, how will she fit into the new House of the Phoenix which Rinaldo and I are planning? I do not know. But we shall no doubt see.
Apparently Khelladon brought Iliskos to Amber because Dworkin told him to. I wonder why that might be so, at this point in time? Based on my earlier chat with Blue and Dworkin, I suspect it might be because she is, also like myself, the bearer of a Sarithi or Spikard. She does carry a sword. Perhaps it is that...
It would appear that I have offended Venus by giving her only a minimal response to her entirely sensible suggestion that we hold a meeting and bring everyone up to date on recent events. She really does need to become more thick-skinned in these matters. If I had not just met Iliskos I might have been willing to spend a little more time discussing matters with her, but at that moment... No.
It does not help that I simply am not terribly impressed by her. She seems far too ... flighty. Too ... weak ... I suppose. Too willing to act without thinking, as in the matter of sending her phoenix to locate Cerebaton. And she is paying the price, it would seem, in her current pregnancy.
I simply find myself reacting negatively to her. She seems to ... weak and immature. Perhaps this is the price one pays for growing up among the Elders. Their overwhelming power and skill. If so, I am quite glad to have avoided such a dire fate, and quite pity Venus for her not having avoided said fate.
I cannot help but think that what she needs, truly, is to leave Amber, get away from the Family. Find the space to spread he own wings, and fly. She will certainly never do so while she remains in Amber as she is, and nor will her child...
But still. Had I been so in Verantium, I would never have survived my time in the Orphanarium there, either alive or sane.
Venus' pregnancy leads me to think about my own relationships, what few of them there have been, and about why none of them have lasted particularly long. Why is that?
At least partly, I think, this lack of romantic success springs from myself. I am quite hard-nosed, and thick-skinned. I am happiest when I am busy ('workaholic' might not be an unfair term to use). I am dedicated to my research and to Ensilarum. I am not frivolous or given to the fripperies of vanity in which so many women seem to indulge so freely. And I am intelligent, and not afraid to show it. All of which, I suspect, largely arise from my lonely and Spartan - not deprived, but also certainly not luxurious - childhood in the Orphanarium in Verantium. And for none of which I feel the need to apologise.
But all of which, I think, adds up in total to a person whom men find ... to say the least ... hard work. Perhaps intimidating. Certainly someone one has to work hard to keep up with. And, equally certainly, someone sufficiently happy with herself not to really wish to change any of these features of herself.
Ah well. Perhaps if I were more of a romantic at heart, I would be concerned enough about these matters to wish to change. But for the moment? I think not...
Which returns me to the occasionally recurring question of why father chose to place me in the Orphanarium in Verantium. While certainly not a hell, it was hardly a pleasant environment for a child such as myself to grow up in. Though it did help to make me what I am today. Was it simply the best he could find on short notice? Or was there a deeper purpose? To strengthen me? Make me more able to survive in the universe?
Perhaps. Perhaps one day I shall have the opportunity to ask him...
I wonder. Could I use time travel to give us a huge advantage in this conflict? Somehow send a mature shadow-mind back through time to long ago, to secretly breed a race of warrior shadow-minds who would be able to aid us now?
Of course, doing so could very easily become a highly immoral act. Creating people only to fight, and die. No. That is unacceptable, even if it were possible. It would make us no better than the enemy, in their throwing away of so much life every time they attack.
But ... mother to an entire new race... This is a huge responsibility. Similar to that of bearing children in the conventional manner, but with ... that much more responsibility added atop it. I hope I am up to the task. With the aid of Cerebaton, I am sure it can be done...
Perhaps I could even become a shadow-mind. Somehow transfer my mind into an entire shadow. Become an entity such as Cerebaton. Would that, I wonder, be possible? And if possible, advisable?
And I have met yet another new Family member - Mordred, son of Cedric, another of Oberon's many siblings. A medieval knight and poet, it seems. From a shadow Avalon. He bears a Pattern blade - a Sarithi - and seems pleasant enough, but apparently seeks revenge against his uncle Mephistis, another of Oberon's siblings, who apparently bears yet another Sarithi. At least Mordred appears to have sense enough to place a hold on his vendetta until current matters are resolved.
I wonder, exactly how many siblings of Oberon - Children of Dworkin - are there?
I was quite surprised to learn that Iliskos knows a dragon, apparently a ... child? ... of the true dragon of the Dragosians, as the Unicorn of Amber is the offspring of the true Primal Unicorn. From it, we have learnt that the Dragon's powers are Negation, Separation and Entropy. Apparently the Dragons prune the Tree of Life (the Great Machine) while the Phoenix (the Eagle?) has it grow, maintaining a balance which, it appears, the theft of the Jewel of Judgement by the previous Dworkin and the Unicorn of Amber, disrupted. There are apparently many such Jewels in the Tree, all of which are key to its balance. The Stone of the Dragon, which contains its Three Ways (Separation, Entropy and Negation) in it. The Stone of the Phoenix, which likewise contains its three ways (whatever they may be). The three Stones of the Muse, one for each of her main Ways, the Eye, the Place, and the Web of Nature. The Eye of the Serpent and the Unicorn. The Stone of the Father and the Mother.
And with the theft of the Jewel of Judgement and the creation of the Pattern and Logrus out of the previously existing 'Pattern of Logrus', Werewindle tells me that the balance of the universe has shifted from encouraging the strong to encouraging diversity.
Apparently the three Stone of the Muse should have been shared between all of her children, the Gods and the Fey, but their natures prevent this from being so. Also, the Serpent and the Unicorn are, apparently, twins. Interesting.
Werewindle appears to have little respect for the Pattern and Logrus (who are, apparently, sentient). Given their rivalry, and what it says of Order and Chaos not, in fact, being rivals but complementary sides of the same power, I cannot say I blame it. I wonder what would happen if the Pattern or Logrus found out this truth? Assuming, of course, that they do not already know...
Apparently the Primal Beings - Unicorn, Muse, Serpent, Phoenix and Dragon - created the Sarithi.
Alarmingly, their task here appears to be to judge the universe by how well those within it have lived. Although Werewindle denies it, this sounds very much like an experiment.
Worryingly, it seems that the experimenters are coming to bring the experiment to a close in the near future. The parents of the Primal beings - entities so powerful that Werewindle will not name them beyond the Mother and the Father or discuss them in detail for fear of prematurely summoning them - are returning to the universe. To hear the judgement of the Sarithi.
I cannot help but find this ... alarming. Frightening, even.
They are two opposites, Potential in the Father, substance, or resources to fulfil that potential in the Mother. Mixing to create all that is. Worryingly powerful...
Apparently the Mother and the Father will either allow the universe to continue as it is, or change it back to its previous state, but at a level such that most entities will not notice the difference in the short term, only the long.
Even so, are they so ... detached ... from us - and, by 'us', I mean all thinking entities of shadow, everywhere in the universe - that our lives, our accomplishments, all that we have built in the universe as it stands, mean nothing to them? Can they be bargained with? Could we somehow persuade them to let us - the universe - continue as it is if they judge us negatively? I most certainly hope so...
Apparently the Eye we saw when in the Country of the Mind with the Dworkin was the Eye of Aleph, the source of the power of the Gods. So the other things we saw there must, thus, have been other previously unknown powers. There was certainly one there representing the Dragosians power of Separation. As for the others, well, we shall see...
And I wonder who these 'orphans' are, beyond a lost branch of the Family of Amber?